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- @toddlevin At a cemetery, looking for my name on tombstones. This is the Goth version of Googling yourself.
- @redrabbit My personality test results came back. They’re negative
- @Rapieress My son picked the number 69 as his football number. He couldn’t understand why no one wanted it. I let his Dad explain. His last name is Cox
- @the_chaostheory Dr. Seuss would like to tweet, he’d like to tweet about things sweet, his tweets would be a thing to get, he’d tweet a million things I bet
- @AmandaJoy hates driving. Hates traffic. And if you’re that asshat behind me, hates you
- @adams_starrlite ugh. My freakin 5 year old nephew just tried humping my brother’s dog. Must keep him away from fuckable things.
- @BakeMyFish If vaginas and penises were alive without the bodies and we put a bunch of them in a room together, how many would run away screaming?
- @mikechainsaw 3rd time shitting in half an hour…this cannot be good.